Home and Away review: Irene’s impenetrable vault of secrecy

Taylor makes an appearance (the first in quite some time) and as she strolls along the beach, it is so artistically juxtaposed with Colby in the prison yard being eyed off by his fellow crims.

Colby’s hands start shaking. I don’t know if this is a pre-existing problem that has been triggered by the stress of prison or not.

But all of a sudden the sun is shining and Angelo joins Taylor on the beach in what looks like a tourism ad.

Jasmine and Taylor go for a run together for “clarity”. This is something I cannot relate to as running would make me want to die.

But it seems to have the desired effect in this particular circumstance and Taylor opens up to Jas about her relationship with Angelo and what led her to Colby.

“Just because Colby’s in prison doesn’t mean my feelings have been shut off,” Taylor says to Jasmine.

“Maybe there’s a chance you and Angelo can find your way back to each other,” Jas says.

Taylor takes the advice and the estranged couple catch up for drinks, because that’s about the only thing they have in common.

“I know I hurt you, Angelo, but you checked out of our marriage long before I did,” Taylor says.

“Is there any hope for us at all?”

Make up your mind, Taylor. Are you picking your husband, or inmate Colby, or neither? Angelo and I are on the same wave length and he tells her to figure it out.

Soon, we’re back at the prison and Colby has a visitor.

Colby’s smug face quickly turns to a frown. It’s Taylor.

“What are you doing here,” he says.

She looks teary. It could be any number of things from an unwanted pregnancy — which will really rile up Jasmine — to her declaring her love for him but we’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

Onto Tori who is going on a long rant about having to “navigate” her relationships.

Last night Tori kicked Budget McDreamy out of the house over differing opinions on matters related to Jasmine and he turns up at the gym to “hash things out” with Jasmine.

Tori is infuriated that Budget McDreamy “went behind her back”.

“She’s going to lose him,” Justin whispers.

So all of a sudden Justin does have an interest in his sister’s love life and makes up some phoney excuse to get Budget McDreamy back over to the house.

It works.

“I want to have a future with Tori but I can’t do it if she’s living in the past,” Budget McDreamy tells Justin.

It’s almost poetry. Seriously who writes this stuff?

Tori comes home from the hospital to find Budget McDreamy is ready to talk.

They say they both made mistakes and are going to try again. It’s all very amicable.

“Right now there’s three people in this relationship and that’s one too many,” Budget McDreamy says, referring to Jasmine. But he really should have said there’s four people because he forgot about precious baby Gracie.

Also Jasmine is “glad” Grace has the bracelet and forgives Irene after yelling at her last night.

Alf’s age comes up but I’m hoping it’s just a distraction which it is because Irene knows something.

She is stationed in the diner, of course, and is standing very close by while Alf is on the phone to Martha, making the most odd facial expression I’ve even seen.

“You know something, don’t you,” Roo says to Irene

But Irene is an impenetrable vault of secrecy – a truly bizarre phenomena on this show.

“I promised Martha that I won’t betray her trust under any circumstances,” Irene says to Roo.

Alf gets on the phone to his beloved wife and casually threatens her to tell him what’s going on in voice message.