Now, look. I love a handbag as much as the next person. In fact, I probably love them more than the average person.

I’m not a fancy handbag kind of girl — you won’t see me making TikToks about buying a Birkin at Hermes, for example — but I do enjoy owning a variety of different colours and styles, so I’ve got something that goes with every outfit. Yes, quite the fashionista.

So, I found it highly amusing to read this week that Woolworths are going to start selling a bag that looks exactly like the bag they sell their hot chooks in. The Bachelor’s Handbag handbag, if you will. It’s also a thermal bag, so you can keep your feta cheese or your protein yoghurt — or whatever cold products you buy, I’m not here to judge — cool.

There have been some critics of this move. Mainly a girl who had a small business turning actual chicken bags into handbags by adding snappy metal chain straps to them and selling them. Please appreciate the fact that for this to be a business for her, she has had to buy a LOT OF CHICKEN.

Presumably she also had to wash the barbecued chicken smell out of them too which was probably more labour intensive than the application of hardware. That girl deserves a medal for living with extreme levels of chicken aroma. Can you even imagine? I would be hungry ALL THE TIME. Which would be fine, probably, because there would always be chicken to eat.

Still, I don’t know how mad you can get when a company whose bags you’ve been turning into other bags decides that they too want to produce another version of their own bag. I like to think we live in a world where we can have both. The artsy girl’s bags are more your going out kind of hot chicken bag, whereas your Woolies version is to bring home your refrigerated goods from the supermarket. I can’t remember the last time I went out for a night on the town with a refrigerated bag, but then I also can’t remember the last time I went out with my keys and phone in a tarted-up hot chook bag, so maybe I’m not the right person to ask about this.

My favourite aspect of this story is that there was an official spokesperson from Woolworths and her job title is General Manager of Bags. GENERAL MANAGER OF BAGS. It never occurred to me that there would be a whole general manager in charge of the bag selection at a supermarket. I mean, there’s the paper ones and the green ones and a couple with pretty designs on them. Is that the work of a whole department with a general manager? Because I know of P&C committees who get more done and they’re volunteers.

And, believe it or not, I have further questions. If there’s a General Manager of Bags at Woolworths, is there also a General Manager of Trolleys? Or a General Manager of putting chocolates next to the check-outs? Or a General Manager of deciding to no longer stock the particular flavour of sugar-free Gatorade that I had become particularly attached to? Because I’d like a word with them. Clearly it’s outside the realms of responsibility of the General Manager of Bags — and she’s already VERY busy — but whoever made that decision, just know I’m Quite Annoyed about it.

It’s peach, by the way, but I digress.

Back to the bags. We all know what’s going to happen. They’re going to sell out in some sort of frenzy and then they’ll turn up on eBay at a comically inflated price, hoping someone is stupid enough to cough up their hard-earned dough. Of course, they could always just cough up $13 and get a bag AND a hot chicken. But why have the real thing when you can have an imitation?

Yes, the world has gone officially mad.

Anyway, they go on sale on Wednesday. I’ll meet you there and we can brawl it out for the last one. But as you’re elbowing old ladies out of the way to buy 10 at a time (don’t do that, by the way), spare a thought for the real hero of the day: the General Manager of Bags. This could be the greatest day of her life. She doesn’t need to have another idea this decade. Take the rest of the day off, Bag GM. You’ve earned it.